question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
