You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
