Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
