nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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