i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
