i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
