its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Drunk is a universal language darling
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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