He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
