I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
