I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
