eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Someone shattered a urinal.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
