she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
