Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
