just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
