I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
