If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
