I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You've changed since you got that strap on
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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