you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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