is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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