i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
