Yo dont text me then not text me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
