do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize