Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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