I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
