A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
