good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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