I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
