I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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