how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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