I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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