who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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