he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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