I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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