so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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