Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
