i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Who died my cat blue again?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
