his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
