If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
