Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize