Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
