She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
