I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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