BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
