tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
