he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
