is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
