there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
