I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
