I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Its about making memories worth repressing
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
