just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
