roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
