Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
