just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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