you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
