Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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