Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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