sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
