That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
