There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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