i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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