It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize