so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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