Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize