uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
