I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
