Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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