I'm pants shitting drunk right now
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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