i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
