please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize