Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
even my farts smell like vagina
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize