I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
